Ashes to Ashes

I didn't realise that collecting Lucas's ashes would be so difficult.  I guess it's somewhat like getting through the funeral of a loved one.  It feels all so real now.  I will never get to play with those soft ears or look into those eyes and see pure love reflected back.  There were lots of tears last night.

I've been reading a little bit about grief.  The loss of a pet is very much recognised as being every bit as hard as the loss of any family member or close friend.  It has helped to read this as I was feeling guilty that I can feel just as bad at losing Lucas as I did say when I lost my parents.

What has also been hard is the decision to euthanise. Although we had agreed that putting him through a further operation was not in his or our best interest it is still hard to accept.  What if we'd waited a few days?  What if we had taken him home and just gave him treats and cuddles and told him ho much he was loved? What if we had 1 more day? What if by some miracle he had recovered? Maybe this is why the whole euthanasia argument can get so heated.

I know we made the right decision.  I know we were very lucky to have had him for over 12 years. I know he had a brilliant life.  But I miss him.