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Sunday, 17 September 2017

The Joy of Sex

Been feeling NQR on and off for a few months now. Blood pressure has crept up, weight gain, ankles swelling, having to get up to pee in the middle of the night (that sucks big time - means a loo in the caravan is no longer looking like a luxury) and getting the runs (Emi would say I often give him the shits).

Several tests and visits to the doc later, heart is great, blood tests all good, cholesterol levels excellent and bowels clear.  It can only mean one thing. Yep, old age and the M word - menopause.  It's not the actual getting old that sucks - after all the alternative is not good.  It's all the crap that goes with it.

So with my 52 birthday fast approaching, I thought I'd make a list (just call me the list queen) of all the fabulous, freaking awesome things that go with being over 50.

3 hours later.......was a bit hard to think of anything, but then I got onto a roll:

1. Leg hair grows so much slower - which is good because it leaves more time to pluck those little black buggers from your chins  - all three of them.

2. The red hair dye takes to the grey hairs much better - instant contrasting.

3. All out of fucks to give.

4. You can get away with being a bit crazy - young people look at you with pity - but see 3 above.

5. I don't really care if my knickers match my bra.  And if either are uncomfortable, they are going straight into the bin.  Same goes for un-comfy shoes.

6. No FOMO anxiety or envy - sure I have my list, but hey.  Staying home on a Saturday night is perfect.

7. No desire to follow fashion whatsoever.  Oh hang on, that was me 30 years ago as well.

8. You can hand your new mobile to a 12 year old and they set it all up for you.

9. You can joke with sexy young men on the tram and they don't think you're flirting with them.

10. Going to Leisurefest to look at caravans on 8 October can be marked in red texta on the calendar as a highlight.

11. I'm more observant and no longer take things for granted.  Bit deep I know, but it's true!

12. YOLO doesn't mean bungy jumping, but it does mean making the most of every day - even doing nothing one day, cos you just can't be fucked.

13. Turning 50 was tough, so after that it's gonna be a breeze - at least until 60 approaches.

14. Goodbye tight skinny jeans, hello elastic waistbands!

15. Nanna naps. Not because you got home at 6am, but because you got up at 6am and need a siesta by the time 3pm rolls around.

15.  50 is the new.....oh forget it who cares.

Look at that - I repeated 15.  See number 3 above. Oh and why was this post titled The Joy of Sex? No reason - just sounded better than the Joy of being Nearly 52.

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